Seconds
by TheFutureFreaksMeOut
Summary: Every second we ever spent together drips from your fingertips, staining our floor, leaving a pattern behind you of footsteps in blood, beautiful in a sick way, a twisted way, our way. NejiSasuke


**Authors note: **Hi, this is Seconds, a few pages of insanity, written because, well the words just came I guess. The idea originally came from hearing the _Snow Patrol_ song _Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking_, where Gary Lightbody sings "every second, dripping off my fingertips". Uhm, and that line kind of got me thinking, and so the story came to be… haha, well sort of. Anyway, the song and band is awesome, and someone who is even more awesome is Junsui Kegasu (Rosie) who beta-read this. Thank you!

**Seconds**

_Seconds…_

…Of time silently passing by without leaving a trace, without making the dust on our floor dance, without making the slightest of wind rustle our curtains. Our years are easily counted on fingers. Our days tumble and fall, making it hard to keep track. But we do, by sticking together and holding on too hard. When it comes down to hours, minutes, and those precious seconds it gets harder though…

Like sand, they slip through our fingers - my fingers - not leaving a trace behind Desperately I want to catch them all, stick them together, and paint a picture; take black and white photos of the puzzle we make out everyday: our lives of carefully cut out pieces put together, made for each other? We remember the days of simplicity, where kunai did not kill and where headbands still were unscratched, easy days… days before…

But I cannot collect them all, cannot catch every single second; there are too many and they are too fast and we keep on messing up, keep on missing out, because we have to perfect the unperfected perfection that is us… Pressure is the slowest form of suicide.

_Seconds…_

…Of us trying so hard to get to where no one has ever been before. We fight with open wounds, bleeding because the truth hurts, proudly wearing our hearts on our sleeves, covered in bandages that suffocate our deeply hidden away secrets. Because letting them breathe would be killing us, would be admitting that we are weak _(shame over pride, shame over you, shame over me.)_ Truly we are nothing but empty shells playing with emotions, fragile surfaces bond to break…

_Seconds…_

…Of them that I know you also miss. I know the punishment marks slashed across your arms. I know you know, I know I know, I know we know… but still I know nothing. Empty white nothing, fade-away scars, seconds… it is the same. It means we are losing, giving into the past. We promised not to, but…

You left tempted by fire, power, and the chance to slay the one who betrayed you, to erase those seconds in which your life got ripped in two, the same way mine did, but you never saw, because you long for freedom. You forgot what you had… you forgot about me, about caged birds trying to break free, about adventures and training grounds.

But you came back mumbling about missing, touching, aching, even loving. Cheeks grazed by pink; dark eyes avoiding mine. Seconds rush by too fast, making us grow up at a pace that is not fair. You: so obviously desperate, but oh, so hard to get close to. Me: so cold and alone, heart chained to stone. We had no choice but to choose each other, and I forgave, I said.

The first time you flinched like my touch burned, tears threatening to swell and burst, raw pain covered in black velvet. The line went so thin, almost see-through like it could snap any second. Snakes were not as fun as you thought, were they? They hurt you, did they not? You never knew that you hurt me too; you ignored that fact, ignored that I too am human…

And now you seek my comfort, hiding from those searing memories in my arms. I do not mind, no, not that much, I think. You are warm and I curl closer, trying to erase, forget, and forgive.

_Seconds…_

…Of running away, of loosing importance, of losing me, of losing you. Light-sleeping avenger of mine, always ready to fight, to cut through flesh and kill what has to be killed. Bloodstained, beautiful, broken down angel, always tense, always… always, always, always…

_(Seconds of I missed you so much)_

Tears…

But not now, not in the early morning sunshine, resting for the first time in days. Vulnerable, wrapped in soft cotton sheets. Seconds caressing your bare skin, making you older, making the scabs grow in numbers. Can you not see that you cannot bear it all alone? It is not possible to fly with cut wings, I know. Trust me, I know far too well.

Why did you? I did not say, but I thought you knew the moments we shared, the seconds of you and I and nothing more… Those; how could you throw them away so easily? They were so precious to me, but I guess they were not as important to you; at least they made you come back, made you say "please" a thousand times, and I gave in. I missed you.

_Seconds…_

…Of wanting what we never can get: dreams of a future without being cursed, a place where burn-marks do not exist. Somewhere where we will not wake up haunted by our own screams, where the sun does not shine so sharply, where the rain does not make us drown, where tears crystallise, where power is not death and yesterday will not become tomorrow. An unreal place, something magic. A childish hope refusing to give up, fairytales can still be true. We wish so much, too much… we want what is not there, and instead we bite each other, drawing blood _(chaos, havoc, panic.)_ Strip down those layers and the truth, the one we fear, will be shown. We are scared, scared of the world outside these walls, scared of the emotions we will not feel, scared of what we did, of what you did to us.

_Seconds…_

…Of sleep, of hugging you close, of breathing you in, of being warm and having you near. I watch your eyelashes flutter and crack open, showing the true you for the briefest of moments. Tensing up, not knowing where you are, and then the soft glow of revelation: Love? You are safe; no reptilians will poison you today. Your head resting back on the pillow, my hair tickling your face, the tiniest of smiles and then the kiss: a few seconds of bliss, remember, remember forever. This is what it once was like before…

_Seconds…_

…Of perfection crumbling and falling apart, of teeth crashing together and a kiss being broken, of breathing too hard and letting you know I want you so bad. A shy glance, slouching shoulders and a barely audible "please wait." We lack trust and I need you closer than ever before. I cannot wait, no, not this time. Bite marks on your neck let me know I have gone too far, I have forgotten too many seconds. The sun does not shine anymore; it ran and in the darkness it left behind sharingan eyes suddenly spins wildly. Heartbeat in my ears, higher and higher… Fighting stances and wet cheeks. Must we kill this too?

_Seconds…_

…Of waiting. Of not knowing who will make the first strike. Weakness is a transparent shield, but we are not weak. We can fight, and we can hurt, but not while crying our hearts out. Your slender body is silhouetted against the window, bandages falling from your arms in slow motion, wounds reopening and crimson trickling its way down your wrists, painting your hands in the colour of love. He did the same to you, did he not? He went too far, and therefore you choked the snake and fled to me, hoping I would make it disappear, hoping I was strong enough. But I did the same; I went too far too, I tried to take what was not mine. I could not forgive all the way, could not forgive being left behind like I was nothing worth.

I am still in bed, naked body ready to be hurt. I am not sure I will fight back this time; I deserve your hatred. I raped the thing most precious to me. Hurting a child I thought was a man, because affection takes the edge of things. How could I?

_Seconds…_

…Of regretting when it is too late.

_Seconds…_

…Of tiny, fucking moments.

_Seconds…_

…Of you and me.

_Seconds…_

…Of counting down, of closing our eyes and finally knowing what it is like to live.The room twists and we turn. I always thought black and white were the perfect match, that nothing could break them apart, but what I forgot was that you are tainted and I am grey. We are not pure; we never were. There is no light, but your blade glows and my defences are down, giving in? I will never know what love is, because I gave it away the day you left. Coming back cannot repair the damage you did to my heart, and I cannot mend all of your broken parts either. You are crushed, there is barely anything left. Torn down, thin; he stole everything, did he not? And you will not tell… curiosity kills the cat. I tried to get behind your locked door and could not stop myself when I tasted the sweetness of you. Enchanting lips longing to be kissed, body wanting to be touched, at least that is what I thought. Your hipbones crashing into mine, silky skin and secret scars, all you wanted was a hug. I gave you so much more, always too much, never enough…

_Seconds…_

…Of you're the drug I need. Addiction is screaming inside my veins, needing what is now walking away. The sweetest of heroine, the sharpest of weapons, the nearest of close, the most real thing I have ever felt is you. I am ashamed for tearing us to pieces. The smell of blood and sweat lingering in our room makes the air taste of guilt, mine.

You are coming closer, only covered by the sheet you have got wrapped around your middle, your face so blank, but I know you are not. I know you are a fully scribbled paper, a million different notes, a few choruses and a line from a song I know far too well. Saying good-bye is never easy, and dying just makes things harder.

Every second we ever spent together drips from your fingertips, staining our floor, leaving a pattern behind you of footsteps in blood, beautiful in a sick way, a twisted way, our way. You sit down beside me, silver on your cheeks and an "I hate you so bad" on your tongue. You do not say it, but I see it. Still you cannot leave me, no, you need me too much, and in some insane way I like it. I like knowing that I can hurt you and you will still stay close.

_Seconds…_

…Of watching you not know what to do. Finally your fingers touch the side of my face, gently tracing my jaw line, and I cannot help the shiver that runs through my body, cannot help but to feel electric, like I could live forever.

Such a lie, such a fake façade; no one lives forever and betrayers burn in hell. The blood smears across my face and body as your touch goes lower and I lean back, eyes closed, pleasure taking the most out of me. I cannot help but to moan as you kiss my chest, and suddenly I wonder, did I ever have the upper hand when you so simply can reduce me to this? Your tongue enters my mouth and I arch my back, willing, wanting to get closer. But you press me down, hovering just inches above me, body heat teasing. The ironic taste you left in my mouth is almost sickening, and now I know for sure what I have always thought I knew. The end draws closer, we are losing it all, a few more seconds, then this that we call us will be split in two, and it will be only you left.

The cold metal sends shivers trough my body as you use the sharp edge to stroke patterns across my stomach. I can see my own muscles tense and move underneath the deadly sin; my throat goes dry and I await your next move. Your dark locks cover your face, but somehow I know the sharingan are back; I know you are grinning, a bitter smirk. Just as me, you could not erase, forgive, and forget. I wonder where you will stab me first, if the pain will be more intense seeing as a lover caused it. What excellent contrast will become of this?

My last seconds… I shall treasure them dearly. Take a hundred photocopies of an almost empty room, of us barely moving but the red taking over; of lust turning into sadness and sorrow, a picture of the gap between love _(you)_ and hate _(me)_ and a bridge being torn. Sweaty bodies tangled in a heap and regret in an open face, close-ups of pearly whites and small smiles, of little laughter and glittering happiness. A single second that we dream the same, of a white sheet slowly falling off and the marked perfection underneath being shown. Something little of wounds and bandages, of what can be revealed if you tear them off. An inflamed relationship built on hatred and distanced memories of a time before. A dying flower, a sinking bird, tears on the verge of being shed and shivering, thin shoulders. So many pictures, so many seconds, too much, never enough…

A few more of them when you sleep, but most importantly the ones of us holding hands, too shy to even kiss. Innocent, perhaps not pure, but unmarked, your wrists still free from cuts, a future before us, and a chance of that can have it all. You remember them too, do you not? That is why you are waiting, that is why the knife is not buried deep inside my heart, that is why we are still clinging to each other and holding on too hard, that is why… this…

_Seconds…_

…Of salty tears burning shallow wounds. You seem incapable of pressing deeper; of making a fatal injury and I cannot move. I cannot, I just cannot.

_Seconds…_

…Of goddamn it! I don't want to lose. Your blade is pressing into my guts, a mere second and then it is done.

_Seconds…_

…Of the last I see is you smiling back at me, of your wrists gaping open once more, drowning us in liquid and me loosing my breath, choking on you. I cough, there is blood everywhere, spilling from me, flooding from you. The mattress feels swampy underneath me, and I know it is because life is running out.

You killed us both, maybe because of love, because it was meant to be this way, because we lost the last pieces, because there is no such thing as perfection when it comes down to the little things, when it comes down to us. The Uchiha heir and the Hyuuga prodigy are nothing more than empty titles. In truth we are nothing more than lost kids in desperate need of someone to take it all away. We tried to take it away ourselves, we did everything we thought was right, we followed our inner instincts, we did not know rules and we did not know laws. In fact, we did not know a thing. We got lost in darkness with our eyes open wide but not seeing, becoming something we never wanted to be, simply because we did not know better. A destructive dance, a downward spiral and before I cease to breathe, I am actually glad you did this. I am glad you were brave enough to do what I have only dreamt of for so long. You are giving us freedom. It is a light blue word and I think I can smell the ocean.

The edges of the world are getting fuzzy, the light soft and I fumble after your hand. I am not sure I can swim alone; the sea looks so big, so mighty, almost terrifying. I need you there. You grip my hand, and suddenly all the blood is gone, the years, the months, the days, the hours, the minutes, and the seconds fall from you, maybe from me, too. I do not know what you see or what you feel. Your eyes are glazed and they seem transfixed by the waves now reaching our feet. It is freezing, wet, and the sun shines again… Maybe this is paradise; are we forgiven? Am I forgiven?

Then everything goes black and the aching starts. Something deep, pulsating inside and I stir, trying to get away, trying to calm the hysteria that is building up. It cannot be, no it must not be… too much, never enough. My own words echo in my ears as the world comes into view. There is no ocean; there is just sticky-dry-rusty-red screaming reality and you, so cold, oh so cold. The only thing that is warm is the strange wetness that streams down my cheeks. I wipe it away, but it continues on coming and I realize that I am crying for the first time in forever. Sobs, hiccups, and screams; together they build a wall of sound, an isolating security. You will not come back, no, not this time. I stroke some of the blood-clumped hair out of your face, hating that the silky softness is gone, hating the dirty strands that fall ungracefully through my fingers. They are so not you; you should not be like this. No, you should not. How could you? Freedom was supposed to be for both of us, at least I thought. I always think, but I never really know.

Your body is still half-draped across mine, holding me down, pulling me in, seconds of suffocating and spitting, trying to erase the foul taste of fear, trying to make the iron grip across my lungs ease, untie the paralyzing bands, the realization that now I am alone for real. But there is no use, and I cry more, harder, and I pull you closer.

Such an evil deed, I believed, when everything was a lie. Why could everything not be okay? I did something bad, but so did you. I… you… leave… I cannot comprehend. Never again for the soft tunes have faded, aggressively, the world pokes my back. I ignore it and bury my head into the crook of your neck, pretending you body is not stiff, is not dead…

But first I wrap the wide-open wounds on your wrists, hide away secrets, our specialty. I can pretend too. My own wound starts to bleed again and I lick some of the blood off my fingers, wishing I could taste the way you did and then I close my eyes and start to count the seconds without you… (_one thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three…)_

_Seconds…_

…Of nothing. Time stands still when the loss is too great, and even if they say hope is the last thing to leave a human, there are moments when even hope is not strong enough. We can etch our names in stone, trade friendship necklaces, mix blood, have sex, promise each other fame and fortune, travel the world, chase stars, whisper "I love you" and mean it, but between all that we are still weak; we still cling to each other and hold on too hard. Everyone makes mistakes, and we fall all the time, scraping knees and gaining scars. It is life's way of marking us, of letting us know we share the time we get, even if it is just a few seconds…

**JK: **…whoa… I just BETA'd the hardest thing I have ever had to BETA in my life… and I enjoyed it thoroughly. (wipes sweat off her forehead) Whew. Well, now I can do anything! I think the spell-check should learn to like you more… because it really seems to just disagree with this style.


End file.
